Hey Dave, you're getting married today!
Mazeltov! Man, I must say
Your future father-in-law looks so strung out
Cos there is an open bar and I'm parched
You see, I've got a bone to pick with you
You've sat me next to your aunt who looks long overdue
For a dental cleaning and that got me thinking
Am I in the mood for fish or chicken
Something blue, something borrowed
Something old, something novel
Here's to you, you handsome devil
Bottoms up - this shit's forever!
Hey Dave, your bride looks so good today
With that wine on her dress and that look on her face
While we bust a move to this band or DJ
Let's start the conga, shit gon' get cray cray!
Well where to begin, he is my best friend
Ruining his big day is tradition
I've got jokes about when we were teenagers
That time you pooped your pants in high school
Got stories about when we got so wasted
Went to the mall naked, murdered that homeless dude
I'm offending everyone, just threw up on your mom
The bridesmaids are sexy, except for that fat one
Shooting Apple Sourz, I fell off the stage
I've got jokes for hours, I've got jokes for days
Ima close it with a classic, it's a sure thing
If I'm the best man, why are you marrying him?
Raise your glasses to your faces
Let's get blasted, let's get wasted